Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me I Have ADHD?? And How Do I FIX it???

Last year, my stepdaughter, who was diagnosed with ADHD a year or two earlier, started sharing funny memes about what it's like to live with ADHD. As I laughed at the memes, I totally thought those issues were just everyday stuff that everyone goes through.

Then, at Christmas when I started freaking out over the multiple conversations, music, electronics and dogs barking, my brother-in-law made an offhanded comment to me.

"Yeah, that's the ADHD."

Excuse me?? I'm sorry, but I do NOT have ADHD. Why would he say that to me? But wait...do other people have this same problem? Am I not the only one who can't hear someone right next to me when there's too much going on but can hear a pin drop in the garage if it's quiet?

I became curious and started searching Pinterest and TikTok about adult women with ADHD. There's like a bazillion posts with lists of signs you have ADHD. I started rolling my eyes as I checked every box on the first list. EVERYONE has these issues. Everyone finds it hard to finish the crappy last tasks of a project. Everyone misplaces personal items now and then. Nobody likes to pay bills. Ugh. Stupid.

Then the second list...and third....

WTH??? Doesn't everyone deal with ALL of these??? The more I read the more I freaked out that there was actually truly something wrong with me. Then I started searching for a diagnosis, but do you know how HARD it is to actually get someone to test you and diagnose you? It's crazy. My primary care physician tried to refer me to behavioral therapy twice saying, "of course they test; they're behavioral science". But, they don't test. They stopped testing when COVID hit and now they send you to a private practice. However, the private practice doesn't have available appointments for testing for a FULL YEAR out. I went to my doctor in February. My appointment for testing is next April. So very frustrating. I do not do patience and I very much feel I can do pretty much anything I set my mind to (thanks Mom & Dad!), so I figured I would just do the research myself & figure it out. And I did.

I, 100% (okay - maybe 98%), have ADHD. I couldn't find a single article that I didn't feel like was written about me or a single "self-diagnosis" test that I didn't "pass" with flying colors. Now....what to do about it. This is where I'm struggling. Medication? That's not an option to even try without an "official" diagnosis. Therapy? I have had 2 sessions so far, but more on that in a minute. Tricks? Tips? This is where I get really frustrated....

You know what one of my biggest life failures is? Administrative work. Paperwork. Every day take care of business work. And let me tell you, I truly view this as WORK. I have to force myself to reply to an email or make a phone call or send a text. I am not really sure why? Maybe because I seem to be too blunt for people? Maybe it's fear of rejection? Or even worse...no response. I get so offended when someone doesn't respond. Apparently, this overall issue is extremely common for people with ADHD. Do you know what one of the top "tips" for dealing with this is??? Make lists or plan or schedule reminders. Who thought of these tips? Non-ADHD people obviously. Fix your lack or hindrance to planning by planning to plan???? WTH.

What else is on my top 10 list of things I struggle with that also seem to be a major issue for people with ADHD?

• Exercising regularly

• Drinking enough water

• Eating healthy

• Remembering tasks that I'm not actively working on

• Self-care

• Focusing on listening when something sparked a thought in my brain

• Getting overwhelmed by too many competing noises

• Forgetting EVERY.LITTLE.THING.

Guess what the other top tips & tricks are for combatting your ADHD??

• Exercise regularly

• Drink more water

• Consistent healthy eating

• Make lists

• Take time for yourself

• Remember to focus on others and don't interrupt them

• Write stuff down on post-it notes

Are we kidding right now?? If I could figure out how to do all that, don't you think I would've already? That's the same list of things I "should do" since I was 10 years old and didn't have an ADHD diagnosis. What's the difference? I'll tell you....38 years of failure. That's the difference. But here I am. Frustrated but also convinced that I now have a reason that I withdraw, get overwhelmed or have trouble keeping my emotions in check when things get tough. And where there's a reason, there's a solution or a fix. It's what I do. I solve problems. I NEED to solve problems; problems NEED to be solved. I just hope I can figure out how to not drown in figuring it out while I "forget" everything else in my life exists,

Okay, so let's throw therapy in the ring as the primary starting point...

• Session 1 was all about me explaining what I struggle with and examples of those things.

  • By the end I felt horrible and was pretty much physically ill for the next 6 hours. I had to take a personal afternoon, several ibuprofen and generally couldn't function until after a nap.

• Session 2 (yesterday) - my homework was to use a planner to organize my day, remember to take breaks, try to drink more water and eat lunch.

  • I know these are good things and yes, I know that under the guilt of reporting back to someone I can do them, but will I continue to do them without being told or checked up on? Absolutely not....it'll go good for a few weeks until she tells me to focus on something else, which I will and then the planner will fall to the wayside without a second thought. In the meantime, I will have gotten angry any time my plans failed to go as I planned them and overwhelmed when the to-do list starts overflowing to the next page and guilt for not crossing off the to-do list.....

So now what? Well, I guess I just keep on reading, listening, researching and asking questions (I'm really good at asking questions) until I feel like I understand enough to help make a difference. Until I don't make people who I care about feel less loved than they are. Until I don't offend people by talking too much and not listening enough. Until I find a system that helps me pay my bills on time every time. Until I find friends again. Until I feel successful again. Until I can see my desk again...

Wish me luck. And if you have ADHD and have any suggestions or insights...PLEASE PLEASE share them with me! And when (not if) I find some things that seem feasible to sustain that help, I will be sure to share them here with you, too!